This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
