I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize