You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
