I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
