you're like a bully in the Christmas story
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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