i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
