You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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