Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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