before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
