I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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