wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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