I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
