Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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