i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
