I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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