hell yes lets make some ravioli
no, he came in my armpit
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
