I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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