I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
