Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
