I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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