Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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