goodnight i made you a song goodbye
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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