He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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