a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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