**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
