and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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