You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
