Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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