I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
