It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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