I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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