I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
