We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize