A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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