The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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