Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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