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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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