Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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