How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
