she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
