That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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