when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
