I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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