listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
