i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
a search helicopter?!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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