I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
