Is it because I queefed?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
