she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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