please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
