oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
