yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
