I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
