Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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