im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
