I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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