Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
