Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
