I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize