this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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