that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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