You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
