Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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