He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
