Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
