what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize