NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
