What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
