I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
