Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
