The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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