when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
