A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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