he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Come see our sink grown plant.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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