I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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