i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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