Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
is it fun? or sober?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
