i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
