I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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