if i died would you start the facebook group?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
